I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
