My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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