Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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