Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My balls are so social today.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
