theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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