I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
