I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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