I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
