I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A+ Viking dick
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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