thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
