I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
