My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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