You're so nebulous sometimes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
