Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
