I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
do herpes really smell.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
