I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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