I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
