the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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