yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
