Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
