just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
