Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
