"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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