I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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