there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
