On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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