WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
