If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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