I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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