yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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