i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
