everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
