Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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