So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
