stop calling my apartment porn island.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
