Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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