Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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