Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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