Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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