White coat. Heels.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
