they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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