you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
