I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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