i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
