Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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