she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
