brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
