Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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