i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
