The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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